Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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