You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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