He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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