Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
