I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
