i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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