You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
