I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's just so happy...and so naked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
