connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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