Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
