my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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