dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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