mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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