is your mom at the bar?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize