It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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