Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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