She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
