Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
