can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize