He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
