We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Less talking, more tequila
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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