FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
