I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
