Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
