She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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