im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
