please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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