I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
