Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize