were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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