I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
