so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
