I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
