I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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