Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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