by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
