I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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