Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
