At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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