Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
