so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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