i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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