I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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