I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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