you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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