I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
