my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
