Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
