Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
