honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
