I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
