Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
