he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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