Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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