Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I checked into jail on foursquare
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
