You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
