I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
