2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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