when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
