he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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