Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize