I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
