woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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