You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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